I AM enough, and you are too.

In my recent attempts to get closer to God, be a better mama, and get my shit together, I quit social media at the start of the calendar year. I deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts and poured all that focus back into me and my family. It’s been great so far! I have found the time to do the things I had been wanting and needing to do. One lesson I have learned in life is that it is not wrong to prioritize your focus on yourself. It’s not selfish at all, it’s discipline. You are all that matters. It is much easier to distract and keep your attention scattered and focused externally, than it is to hone that focus back in on you.

One way I learned to cultivate a self-care practice was by waking up early and making the time for it. I enjoy the peace and quiet, and having my house to myself for a few hours before the sun rises. Everyday, I get up around 3-4am and do my morning routine. I wake up, and start the battle. I have to overcome some programming and patterns that keep my nervous system stuck in a fight/flight state, so I meditate, journal, stretch/do yoga, and pray. It’s like hitting the factory reset button, and then I am able to then move into my day with an open and heart-centered approach. It takes me a few hours, but having the peace of mind to start my day with is a luxury I’m quite addicted to. I love waking up early.

Often when I journal, I’ll ask for higher guidance and I’ll start to channel God/Source, and then I scribe. There are many conversations I’ve had with God this way, where I write and then receive an answer.

Today when I was journaling, this is what I was working on and God told me to share:

Me: I feel a struggle between the two aspects of myself. My divinity and my ego. I feel like an imposter. I see great teachers and leaders and think they are much smarter than me and more educated than me. Who am I to compare to them? I have not studied but the makings of my own suffering. So who am I to speak with any authority over another? And also, who is another to speak with any authority over me? They have not walked my path either. Why do I feel this way? The battle I feel is between this higher-self side that wants to speak and teach. And then there is the very human side of me who also must follow these teachings and struggles with it, just like everyone else. How do I teach this path when I stumble to even find my next steps? I feel torn. How do I serve? What do I do next?

God: Detach. Trust.

Me: I know….What is the outcome? I don’t know. What do I do next? I don’t know. What do I create? I don’t know. How do I function? I don’t know. God, I’m tired of not knowing. I want to just be.

God: There is great anxiety over this if you choose to attach to outcomes instead of focusing on what you can control - your attitude and actions.

Me: My anxiety does feel crippling at times on this path. Sometimes all I can do is breathe.

God: Don’t give up. If you don’t know what’s next, it’s ok. No one knows what’s next. Let go of the need to know. Just do your best in the moment. Center yourself, operate from your heart, and go out and love people.

Me: But how do I earn a living?

God: Detach. Trust.

Me: (anxiety ⬆️ )

God: (laughs….a lot!)

I had a good laughter, turned to sobs, turned to smiles moment after that conversation. The juxtaposition of it all really is something to laugh at. God is super funny, or at last my God is. I feel empowered to just do the little things and know that is enough. Thank you, God, for this sweet moment of clarity. Life really is as simple or as complex as we make it. It is a divine comedy. Today I choose simplicity, and to live in the moment as much as I can. I choose to let go of my anxiety over the unknown of the future and will be grateful for all that I have today. I have enough, and that is a miracle I will try to not take for granted today. I have enough, and I AM enough.

If I AM enough, then you are too.

So keep going, don’t give up. It’s ok if you don’t have all the answers right now. You’ll figure it out, I know you will. I believe in you. You are smart, kind, resourceful, and hard working. You have so many wonderful talents and gifts to offer this world. Just be yourself, you got this. If you’re too worried about the future, stop and focus on the present. Chop wood and carry water. Focus on your acts, what you can control, and do something kind for someone else. When you don’t know what to do, just be. Be the change.